there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
