I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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