College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
