I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
