I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
