I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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