she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
