The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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