I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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