oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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