I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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