i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
