I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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