she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
