Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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