I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
