its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think your dad took our porno
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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