I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
