Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
