She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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