oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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