he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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