We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
