Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
God I need to hump something, right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
