there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
