dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
