with your own penis?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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