If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
