So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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