and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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