i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
