If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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