At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
