You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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