you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
