It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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