i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
