i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
