Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
