I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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