my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
