Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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