Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
