Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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