in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
