You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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