Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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