my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
