She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
