if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
