He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
